A poem for Steven

While you sleep.....I dream big. I dream of colorful faces greeting you in your success,understanding that you exceed the average and challenge the best. While you sleep I pray....... I pray your mind will follow your spirit and allow you to discern your God given intuition. While you sleep...... I smile. I smile at the thought of your happiness exceeding your expectations and coming face to face with God given joy. While you sleep......I love. I love you like none other. The only little man in my life. I love on you a thousand times, like the sun touching your face in mid summer, I will embrace you daily and warm your heart. While you sleep.... I dream of you and your heart. The young girl that will break it and mommy who will mend it. While you sleep... I am your big sis.

So I left him

SO..... I left what I thought was a mutal loving realationship. Only to find that the love was not returned and fidelity was a wondering quesiton and definition. I have to confess that this is an area in my life that I have little to no experience in. I am usually the heart breaker, the one that lets guys down gently becuase I want to see whats out there. However I have never cheated on the person I was dating. What he did was so foul that I smell the odor everytime I wake up in the morning. The thought of trusting someone with your heart is such a delicate and intimate exchange that....I thought would be taken with care. Neway! I have been reading this book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, great read by the way. The book is designed to help the reader in his or her realationship with God in regards to building a purposeful life. Recently I was reading a chapter that talked about " what drives your life". One of the general drives that Warren discussed was RESENTMENT, or grudges. This topic hit me hard because he discussed how what that person did constantly replays in your mind and the hurt and pain is consistent. He also disucussed how that person is not still hurting you, what they did is the PAST. As a christ follower, foregiveness is important to me. How can I expect God or anyone else to frogive me if I don'f forgive him and let it go- I can't. I cannot be a hypocrite about this thing. So I made up in my mind that I truly want to let this go and the first step for me is acknowledging that I have resentment towards this person and letting that go. Eventually I will tell him face to face that I forgive him. When that time comes perhaps I won't smell the foul smell of deceit and past hurt anymore.

Dark Skinned DIVA

So........... today was the first day of class for the summer quarter at school, and we went through the basics of the first day of class. Its a computer class so of course I was on:http://www.octobersveryown.blogspot.com/ ! I was watching this post of a fan video for lust for life and Drake said in one of his verses: " And as for them pretty light skinned models standin in the cold aw yeah they with us". Now........I am a darkskinned african-american woman and proud of it! For some reason when I heard that today ( and its not the first time i've heard that song) I was somewhat offended. I'm not saying that I was offended because DRAKE said it, I was offended because I've heard it several times before, and I've experienced several times before thorugout life. Why is it that within the black community we emphasize skin coloe so much and moreover why is it that we see light-skin as superior to dark? I've always heard that it goes back to slave days, when the lighter- complexion slaves were working in the house as maids, nannys and drivers while the darker complexion slaves were in the fields. Regardless, of where this mindset came from, it's WRONG. When other races and cultures look at the african-american community they don't see skin tone all they see is BLACK!!!! You've never heard a white person say hey isn't that light skinned girl cute.....no they say that BLACK girl is cute. WAKE UP people we are all one race of humans, get over complexion and down to real beauty, because DARK SKINNED women are beautiful too!